Well, hello!

Still Around: Just super-busy, per usual. Had to skip Bay to Breakers on Sunday, due to my sore back. I’m slowly getting rid of the bug I had, and am cramming a couple of weeks’ work and chores into this week, getting ready to travel back east this weekend.

Hee Hee: Ira (my musical pals’ tour manager) sent me a funny:

INSTALLING HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate
———————————————————— —–
Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, While Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.HTML” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

I told Ira that I never install anything more complex than Boyfriend 5.0 due to the above types of issues. I mentioned that Fling 1.0 – 3.4 usually worked best on my operating system, and I sometimes even download Road Bump 0.99b for very short term use. He said he recently installed Main Squeeze 2.0 and that it was running well, even though it recently got a virus. (Feel better soon, Kim!)

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